The Pity Party....

We all have them....a week when it seems that nothing goes right, no matter how much we try.

Well this has been one of those weeks. There's no point in going on about every little thing this week but what really didn't help is that I had to go to the hospital for a test yesterday. Nothing life threatening; I can be grateful for that. It's the trip into town that does it to me.

Funny; this kind of goes with my post just prior to this when I talk about how independent I've always been. Growing up in Toronto, I was used to taking the Toronto Transit everywhere. But as I said...things have changed.

My body is not what it used to be; obviously or I wouldn't have been going for this test to begin with. And I was stressing out further as the time came for me to leave.

One thing I did do for myself was to find out if anybody would be home that afternoon so that I could go by for a visit with my sweet, adorable grand-daughter. Emmy will be three years old in July and is constantly amazing me. She is blessed with intelligent, wonderful parents who take the time out to teach her constantly. And though she has very little 'other' family members, she knows how much she's loved by each one of us.

Well yesterday was my big day. I had to be out the door by nine o'clock to catch the ten o'clock bus into town. It wasn't until I was going through my bag at the hospital that I noticed my camera was not in it. I hadn't left my bag unattended once.

I remembered (or so I thought), putting it into a certain 'safe' pouch with a velcro folder in a zippered compartment. I've always been extremely safe with my camera. It's my passion.

At the same time, I remembered how much I was rushing to get out the door and decided that I must have pulled it out and forgot to put it back.

Now, much of my anxiety about getting into town is just that; getting there. It's an hour long walk to the nearest bus stop and as I've said, my body is not what it used to be. My 22 year old son suggested I take the short-cut across the train tracks, which made perfect sense. What I hadn't realized was how difficult the journey would be as I was constantly stumbling.

But I managed and after my test had a wonderful visit with Emmy and my daughter-in-law, Caroline.

It wasn't until evening, at home, when I came to the conclusion that my camera was definitely missing. I didn't sleep well last night and decided this morning to hook up Mollie and we'd cover my tracks; so to speak.

We walked all the way, including the tracks but no sign of my camera. It was on our way home that I found it on the other side of the road, just off the road. It was crushed; obviously been hit by a car. And I have to say that I was just as crushed.

We got home after our three hour walk and I fell asleep on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

When my husband came home, I recall him telling me that the memory card was gone. I find that a bit funny considering somebody had to have picked my my camera, open the compartment that holds the card and my batteries, then close it back up again.

Unfortunately for whomever took the time to do that, the only pictures left on there were of our furry critters and the card worked about 80% of the time for me.

When I think about the big picture, I can't help but think of my son's journey to the bus a couple of hours after mine. He came across a dead cat on the side of the road...just a young one. And afterward he had the task of passing this news onto the owner of the cat.

In the big picture, as much as I miss it; my camera can be replaced. My dog and our cats cannot.

Woman Discovers Fire...

I remember a time in my life when I was very independent; insistent to never have to depend on a man for anything.

Somehow over the years, that changed. It's not even worth my time to go over the old stuff and the beliefs I've formed over the years that were not my beliefs to start with. Not to mention how my body likes to remind me day after day. Getting older does that, doesn't it???

Today started out like one of those days. It's very sunny outside but the wind is cold. And once again I woke up with nothing to fuel up the furnace. It really is nobody's fault, unless I want to blame my own circumstances; which is a useless process that only slows me down.

There are thing's I've learned to deal with and other circumstances where I've been realizing that I wait to be rescued. Not knowingly, of course but I have at least one dear friend who was once again, going to take time from her busy schedule to try to bring me warmth.

Jo is getting married. She doesn't need this and I knew if I put my mind to it, I could get the fire up and running.

While I let Mollie out to do her 'biz', I ran around the tree line, looking for dead branches. I then found that there were also dead parts on the outside of the fallen tree and they seemed to be great for getting it going.

Mollie enjoyed helping me collect it all, of course.

As for starting the fire, I'd watched Barry do it enough times that I figured I should be able to do it by now. I obviously couldn't do it exactly the way Barry does it as he uses wood that he buys on the way home.

I had none of that and so I used whatever I could scrape up.

Well, wouldn't you know, my fire started lick-a-dee split. And it lasted pretty good...until Jo got here, of course.

We still had a great visit and were able to talk about what I need to do...which I will have to start after I clean myself off as I seem to have developed an itch from something in the back...YIKES!!!

But I've got one kick-ass fire!!!

Behind Closed Doors...

Botticelli....The Three Graces

I remember when I first really got the urge to work with women who have lived with violence. I was in my thirties and at the end of my own violent marriage.

I graduated from college in 1995 but it took another 6 years to land my dream job. For me, it had the best of both worlds. I was an outreach counsellor for women who had lived with abuse. I loved the work as well as the freedom of driving to several outlying areas.

I still remember my first few days of starting out. The boss-lady showed me my desk and handed me the Policies and Procedures manual to read. Between the manual and an outdated 40 hour course for volunteers, that was the training I received to prepare me for counselling.

I was NOT prepared at all; in fact, I was quite green. I did everything I could to understand how to do what I needed to do and, do it right. I'd say, I did pretty good considering the circumstances but I never felt good enough and that never changed.

I carried out my role the best I could for over seven years. Unfortunately, in the end, there was nothing left of me.

Through those years my health began to decline to the point when I could no longer carry on. But my eyes and my perception remained very clear.

Working for a not for profit organization has it's ups and downs. I won't speak for all agencies but I saw a lot of corruption, hypocrisy, favouritism, bullying, lies and a real lack of boundaries.

Eventually I learned that the boss-lady's priorities were not for the clients but for her to boost her own ego. During my last few years, I'd wonder why she pushed me for my yearly stats when I knew she was boosting them anyway. This of course, would make it even more difficult to top last years stats.

From the outside, the agency gives the appearance of a great place to work. We looked like one big happy family. But behind closed doors it was anything but. If we were a family, we'd be considered a very dysfunctional one.

I hadn't been working at the organization for very long when I started getting phone calls at home, insisting that I show up at the boss-lady's drunken parties. This became quite regular until I fell out of favour with her...thank goodness!!
As there were virtually no boundaries. It was not unusual to be partying at the boss-ladies home with members of our volunteer pool and board members (staff and volunteers were not to mingle during private time). Most of the board members had been on the board for years and the boss-lady had them wrapped around her fingers.

The boss-lady always liked her alcohol and though she hid in her office during Centre Events and I can't remember her ever speaking in public on the Centre's behalf; she never had a problem going out to one of her drinking establishments or fighting with her partner in the middle of the street.

After a few years I secured our own outreach office space. The boss-lady had talked for years about wanting a satellite office. Once the space was confirmed the boss-lady made every point of letting me know that this was NOT a satellite office but just office space....in another community.

She validated her statements by making sure I never had a land line or internet connection. Many days, I was unable to make or receive calls with my cell phone. This was not only frustrating but also considered a safety risk to me.

I loved my new space though and even managed to create a food cupboard for the people I saw. It made me feel good every time I filled that cupboard but my body would pay the next day. I eventually bought myself a cart as the organization refused me. It did help somewhat but eventually my body gave out.
We had a very strict safety policy...or so the binder said. This also went completely downhill over the years to where it didn't make a difference half the time if anybody knew I'd made it home at night.

Staff meetings stopped and there was no support what-so-ever for the front line workers.
I had quite a few high risk clients...people who I felt needed more than I could give them. But that's not how it worked. I needed numbers for the funders. I always felt like I was just treading water.

It all came to a close at the end of 2008, when I had a work related incident while on outreach. What made it worse is that I realized once again that safety procedures had not been followed at the office end and; had I been killed that day, which was a good possibility, nobody would have known.

Naturally there was no support from the boss-lady with the heart of steel and when I left, I was not only dealing with this recent incident but the fall out of the last seven years. I was very bitter and it took me a long time to let it go.

This is not one of those "Poor me" blogs. Quite the contrary. I'm really happy now that I had that experience. I made a few good friends who remain my friends to this day and I learned a lot about myself.

I learned that I do have what it takes. I also learned to give myself more time in relationships for building trust and to never again give my power to anybody.

Life is a journey and it's filled with important lessons. What is really important is that we learn from them and become stronger.

Goodbye tree...

Thank you tree...

For providing us

with beauty and light...
unconditional Love...

and warmth...
bringing all of your

beauty, light,

love and warmth

into the new year.

Happy Holidays...

It's that time of the year again and with it come the same old arguments and beliefs about others taking Christmas away. I had one woman; a friend of my husbands; try to tell me that it's now illegal to put a Nativity Scene up in front of your house. When I pointed out to her all the beautiful Nativity Scenes that I have seen in the last few years, she told me that it was people defying the law.....right.

Last time I looked, we still live in Canada. And whether you like it or not, we are a multicultural society with many strong beliefs.

So...I did what I always do. I researched the so-called law, in order to let her know that she can put out her nativity scene without worry of the anti-Christmas police banging down her door and arresting her.

I was raised with the Baptist faith. As a child I used to love to explore the different faiths of my friends and that continued into adulthood. I love having an open mind and that is exactly what I feel I've gained from this experience. And I can feel very proud to say that I passed those same values on to my own children and they will continue to do the same.

First, I need to start by saying that nobody is out there trying to take away Christmas. There is no green grinch just waiting to pounce on your Nativity Scene or whatever you may display to celebrate what the season is for you.

I believe that faith is a very important part of us and something that is essentially needed for our emotional health. But it is also very personal and should never be opened to insults and criticisms.

It's been many years now since I stopped believing in the Christian faith and my reasons are irrelevant. I've always been very Earthy and feel my best when communicating in some way with nature.

At the same time, I have the ability to listen to somebody tell me that God is with her always. And I can believe that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I don't believe in the same God so why would I believe this to be true?

Because it is true for the person speaking of it and I do not believe it is my right to try to take away somebody's core values and beliefs. At the same time, I appreciate and expect the same courtesy.

There will always be Christmas every year because it's too much of a tradition to have it ever fall by the wayside. However I'm sorry to have to say this to the Christians, but you don't have the monopoly on the holiday season. And you cannot force others out because we don't believe what you do.

You have to face the facts that many of your Christmas traditions were originally traditions for a pagan holiday. If anybody robbed any other faith of their beliefs, I'd say it was the very opposite of what you are taught to believe.

In ancient years the Winter Solstice was celebrated by many Countries, many cultures and many beliefs and in many ways, including Yule Winter Festivities during late December to early January beginning on the day of Winter Solstice (usually December 21st).

Eventually the Christian holiday, known as Christmas was absorbed into the Yule Winter Festivities, taking with it many of it's traditions, such as the Yule Log and the decorated tree.

According to Wikipedia the official date passed on to the people to celebrate was December 25th after the Julian calendar was adopted.

It would be a very special holiday season indeed if people would open their minds and look at the faiths of others as just that...different faiths. Everybody has a strong belief that their faith is the true faith. That is a good thing. We all need strong faith, especially during difficult times.

But keep in mind that during this period, Christians are not the only people celebrating. When I wish somebody "Happy Holidays", it's generally because I don't know what their faith is or how they will celebrate. If I know somebody's faith, then I will wish them happiness for their celebrations without prejudice.

We all have a right to our beliefs. Please remember that when you are getting frustrated at how you may feel your beliefs are being stepped on, remember we all can feel that way.

Happy Holidays to one and all.

I Work at a Call Centre...

From the time I was about Eighteen years old until I was Forty, most my working life was taking the call.

I started out early in an answering service in Toronto. Back then we used the old cord boards. I didn't enjoy it very much at all and thankfully, after a month or so, was transferred upstairs where my job entailed taking the calls and paging them out; as well as monitoring alarms (fire, burglar, etc.).

I worked with a fun, wonderful group of women and even though we were all cooped up together in a room smaller than my living room; I can honestly say we had a good time. I still have fond memories of those days.


Over the years, my office skills increased and I often held the position of receptionist/switchboard operator. I learned to work a variety of switchboards and in the end was also programming them.

Fast forward to the present. I have two very talented sons who both work in a Call Centre. They take calls to give tech support to people who are having difficulties with their computers. I know it often takes a lot of patience to do what they do, not to mention constantly having to upgrade their knowledge each time there's a product upgrade.

Imagine...trying to give tech support to someone who barely knows how to operate a computer. I know how much patience is required to carry that out.

My older son is bilingual; he speaks French as well as English. My younger son is a musician. He's taught himself the drums, guitar and banjo; though he still has the common sense to realize you can always learn from others.

The reality is that Call Centres are probably the biggest employers in our city, if you add them up together. The people who work in these Call Centres are a variety of all ages & talents.

I always give credit to the people who occupy these positions as I know from personal experience, that they are mostly underpaid and treated with little respect. Overall, they're labeled as robots who can't do anything more than answer the phone. And it's not only the higher ups who treat them this way but often the general public. Often it's the very people they are trying to assist when they take that call.

Both my sons have made some good friendships at their place of employment. One of these friends is Gordon Phillips; another musician. Gord is not only a talented musician and writer but he also saw talent in my younger son, Andrew.

Gord wrote a song though we like to refer to it as an anthem. He approached both Drew and Barry about it and we all loved it. Drew was to sing the main vocals, as well as playing the drums. Barry's job was in what he does best. He did the recording.


As the project was in the beginning stages, Gord had a surgery date approaching. He was suffering some nerve damage and my husband, Barry literally had to duct tape the pick onto Gords fingers. But he played the bass and his talent flowed.

Gord also gave Drew a lot of coaching to bring out the best in his vocals. Drew did the main vocals, while Gord did the back up.

They brought in two people for the guitar. Adam McGlynn also works at the same Call Centre as Drew and Gord. He came in a few times to add some guitar to the song. He was great and more than happy to do his part.

Now like most creative people, Gord was very particular on how this song should sound and he wanted more in the guitar...to kind of add to Adam's tracks.

And so Kyle Mason was brought in to add those extra tracks. Kyle is the only person who participated in this project who does not, nor has he experience working in a Call Centre...to the best of my knowledge. But his tracks were incredible and I could certainly understand why Gord wanted him.




Then it was all left to my husband Barry to do his magic.

The project is finished. And, it's catching on to Call Centre people all over. How could it not?

Let me introduce to you the Call Centre Anthem: ...

I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do. And if you take that call ... or if you ever have...This song is for you!!

Officer Bubbles???.....

I've never been one to protest. Oh I have my own personal set of values and I certainly am not a fan of this moron to whom we've given the title of Prime Minister. I think I just can't trust my own reactions when a peaceful protest turns to something that I consider unjust. Especially when our police force takes on the role of bully and decides to take on someone who is obviously making her protest as peaceful as possible.

I've been somewhat following the news coverage of the recent G20 summit in the GTA. I'm not going to even bring up the topic of all the wasted tax money that could have been used elsewhere. That's why we had peaceful protests to begin with.

What really bothers me the most is how our tax dollars were spent on paying bullies to harass the peaceful protesters and perhaps, as theory has it, even started much of the violence.

My husband just brought my attention to a very good example of these paid bullies. Mind you, I've seen quite a few examples up to this point.

But this one really takes the cake.

Bubbles: My two year old grand-daughter absolutely loves bubbles. They're fun and are often wonderful for many events.

I've not yet heard about being careful with bubbles because "they could take out an eye".

This is the case of Officer Bubbles.

A woman was at what appears to be the front of a barricade of bullies. She seemed to be in pretty good spirits, possibly enjoying the energy of what was going on around her. She was making some kind of statement in her own peaceful way.

She was blowing bubbles.

She even appeared to have stopped her violent bubble blowing when confronted by one of the paid bullies.

I have to use the word, bullies, as that is the role these particular type seem to enjoy. Childhood bullies often take a role of authority in their adult life as it feeds into their own feelings of superiority.

In the following video, you can plainly see how this guy is taking great pride in his bully role, even to the point of arresting the woman, after her bubble blowing had stopped. I did not see one bubble touch or injure this guy.



As much as I hate to say it, this brought out a lot of anger in me. It also made me even more aware of why I don't protest.

I know I would not have been as compliant as this woman. Oh, I'm sure I wouldn't be blowing bubbles in this guys face, though I'd be very, very tempted. I do have enough common sense to avoid a charge of assaulting a police officer with bubbles. But I know I would have ended up in some type of verbal argument with the idiot.

My only hope in this story is that Officer Bubbles becomes the object of ridicule; not only online but in his own station. For I know in this society, had I been there and told him exactly what was on my mind, I too would have been arrested.

I think all I have left to say about Officer Bubbles is....what a bloody power tripping moron.